Important People of Bustleburg

A list of prominent members of Bustleburg society as well as prominent outcasts from Bustleburg society.

Queen Zina Kakisto
Queen Zina is the wife of Mayor Bromley Zakisto and is often called a "force of nature." She is accused of treated Bustleburg like "her own personal dollhouse" as she (more or less) requires the right to name everyone's children. One of her nicknames is "the Control Queen." Queen Zina has been known to say "life goes better if you let me decide everything." When it comes to naming one's own children, there is a wide belief that this is a threat. Those that do not either allow the Queen to name their children (or businesses, etc.) or alternatively do not pay the somewhat optional "Naming Tax" will experience ongoing bad luck.

It is unknown whether Queen Zina's first given name is "Queen" or whether it is a self-styled royal title. She has not corrected the media when they refer to her as "the Queen" as long as "Queen" is capitalized. She also is partial to "your highness," "your majesty," and people who bow or curtsey. She says, "your worship" is "a little much."

Queen Zina lives in The Queen's Palace, a structure modeled after Neuschwanstein Castle in Bavaria in Germany. Several rooms in the Queen's palace are reserved as sanctuary for victims of spousal abuse. A large portion of Queen Zina's Naming Tax goes to "No Yuck in the Yuckamud," her charity which fights for a cleaner water supply for Bustleburg.

Mayor Bromley Kakisto
The "Immortal and Immoral"(citation needed) Mayor of Bustleburg, Bromley Kakisto, has been in office since circa 1945. As the Office of Official City Records keeps burning down, precise dates on the transfer of power are not available. Mayor Kakisto's age is uncertain, although media speculation places his year of birth between 1923 and 1925. The basis for this is the Transnational Banana Riot of 1933. The riot, which led to the immediate closure of the Kakisto family corporation, Transnational Banana, also interefered with Bromley Kakisto's birthday celebration at his favorite restaurant, French Toast World. Restaurant employees working that day are reported to have said, "That brat was probably around eight."

Kakisto has been suspected of cheating in each of eleven elections. In Bustleburg's ongoing color war, Mayor Kakisto's team is Orange Pekoe. The mayor's detractors including the print daily, the Bustleburg Harbinger, call the mayor's government a "kakistocracy " citing Bustleburg's loss of over half its population since Kakisto took office.

Mayor Kakisto resides in Kakisto Mansion, modeled after the Palace of Versailles, only larger. The mansion, colloquially known as the "Dog House," is the former City Hall, which was remodeled for the Mayor when he took up residence around 1960 after the sudden surprise debut of an infant son, Carl (later renamed "Badger Dakotsi" by Queen Zina, and but then took the name Bromley Kakisto Junior once Queen Zina relented)  City Hall offices are still afforded a small corner of the Kakisto Mansion. The mayor commutes by bed, as he is wheeled to his office in late morning and then wheeled back by mid-afternoon.

Kakisto was also the CEO of the Dellaflame Corporation until Badger turned twelve in 1972, after which he took the reins.

Kakisto's hobbies include miniature golf, horseback riding, and eating french toast.

The city-funded Kakisto Museum of Stuffed Animals is located on the top floor of the Dellaflame Tower and is open by invitation only.

Count Razvan Simonescu
Count Razvan Simonescu of Barbania is the current CEO and majority owner of the Toxaco Chemical Company, the leading polluter in Bustleburg. The Simonescu clan immigrated to Bustleburg in 1999, ostensibly after learning of Bustleburg's lax air quality regulations. Shortly thereafter, Count Razvan persuaded Belvedere and Evelyn Highchrist to sell Toxaco to the Simonescus.

Count Razvan has frequently been criticized for worker conditions at the Toxaco Plant and, much more loudly, for not living in the Burnsvale District nor attending services at Pious Rivalist Church World.

The Bustleburg Harbinger has given guarded praise for Count Razvan's quasi-unauthorized Human Traffic Court, a vigilante group which has resulted in curbing human trafficking in Bustleburg but has also been implicated in the mysterious disappearance of numerous convicted traffickers.

Boris Vostic
Boris Vostic, also known as "Boss Vostic," is the CEO of Vostic Enterprises and the alleged don of Bustleburg's local Serbian mafia. For unknown reasons, Vostic was kicked out of his Burnsvale home before age eighteen, as well as ejected from the Burnsvale district all together. According to legend, Vostic ended up at the Eastern Orthodox Church, Saint Dymphna of the Downtrodden, and taken in. Though Boris Vostic's surname is believed to be his birth name, Boris Vostic has reportedly said, "I just decided I'm Serbian. I like it way better than being from Burnsvale." Vostic has publicly stated he has never been to Serbia (nor Europe).

Furthermore, according to Bustleburg resident and knowledgeable middle schooler, Tamara Picher, Vostic's alleged cartel seems like it might be a "totally Benneton-level ethnic mix of organized criminals who all just learned Serbian or something so no one would know what they were saying." To confirm Miss Picher's beliefs, language professors at Dunleith College, under assurances of anonymity, have tried speaking Serbian with Mr. Vostic's driver, Goran. They were told Vostic's "extended family" actually speak Slovio because it's "way the heck easier to learn than Serbian."

Vostic Enterprises is the parent corporation of Atrax Palace Casino, Flume Brand Sodas, HeavenDream Cakes and Cookies Outlaw Bakery, Friendly Fire Records, and the marginally legal Complaint Department, Bustleburg's only known nightclub. Since gambling, dance music, and cake are contradictory to the teachings of the Pious Rivalist Church, Vostic Enterprises is often boycotted in Bustleburg, especially Burnsvale.

Vostic also finances the upkeep of all city playgrounds outside of the Burnsvale District as well as the Bustleburg Tree Sanctuary in the southernmost portion of East Bank.

In recent years, Boris Vostic has reconciled with his mother, Anemone Vostic who makes him attend Pious Rivalist.

Reverend Milton Maple
Milton Maple is the leader of the Pious Rivalist Church, delivering sermons at Pious Rivalist Church World, the primary place of worship for adherents of the Pious Rivalist Attack Church. Milton Maple is credited with devising the "Points Toward Heaven" system where church members can tally their chances of achieving salvation and donate more to the Church if they're running short. Reverend Maple helps church members in good standing by providing appointments with Official Church PointKeepers.

Reverend Maple is also famous for "Prayer Offensives" launched against church enemies such as St. Valentine's All-Faith Church, Saint Rita's of the Hopeless Cause Roman Catholic Cathedral, Hopeful Grove Baptist Church, Eighth Presbyterian Church, Beit Shavua Bli Video Reform Temple, Saint-Dymphna-of-the-Downtrodden, Greyfields Elementary School, the City of Greenswift, the American government and all the foreign governments he's heard of. He is assisted by a team of Spiritual Meteorologists who pray tornadoes in the direction of the un-righteous.

It's believed that Reverend Maple was born and raised in Greenswift (the capital of Arkanois) and was kicked out of Arkanois State for running a numbers game. He later was kicked out of the City of Las Vegas for counting cards out loud, which messed up the concentration of those smart enough to count silently. Later, he was nearly a successful science fiction author until he was caught plagiarizing L. Ron Hubbard's Battlefield Earth by his own editor. With financing from his parents, he then decided to found a religion since one can plagiarize the bible and most other spiritual texts without running afoul of copyright laws. It's believed Maple was personally invited by Mayor Kakisto to start his church in Bustleburg in the early 1970s. By the mid 1980s, it was recognized legally as the only church in Bustleburg that awarded authentic points toward Heaven. It soon after became the largest and wealthiest church in Arkanois.